The Void
by Darknightdestiny
Summary: Magus reflects on what his life has become and what the future holds for him now that Lavos is destroyed. Where will he go now? Rated PG for depressive angst. A One-shot.


**The Void:**

**A Last Word by Magus**

By Darknightdestiny 

Disclaimer: I do not own Magus or any of the implied locations or characters mentioned in this fanfiction. They are the property of Squaresoft.

The past is dead…it was all just a dream.

Or a nightmare…

I didn't care. I honestly couldn't care who I hurt, as long as nothing was keeping me from what was mine. I couldn't. I wouldn't let myself. Anyone who can go through what I've been through, while holding the kind of power that I hold and come out of it sane- well, they have my respect. Power. It's a monster.

Years I have spent in agony and darkness, dragging out my sorrows over my own tragedy and my hatred for its cause. Sinking deeper and deeper in my self-pity, I was willing to do whatever it would take to find the remedy for my situation. My life was ruined, and I wanted it back. And so I killed them. I killed countless numbers of innocents, even if not by my own hand. I allowed it to happen and I showed no remorse. I showed no remorse whatsoever because I would not let myself. They all died so that I could keep my cover. They died so that I could do what I wished and find what I would to aid me in my quest. Slaughter mean nothing to me in light of what I was hoping to regain, and though I was at times tormented, I eventually hardened my heart enough that I would no longer have to deal with the guilt. Once I severed my conscience, everything was all right once again. In doing so I nearly lost my mind. But I had my eyes set far ahead of the troubles in front of me. Perhaps that is why I never saw him coming.

"Okay…give me your best shot…if you're prepared for the void…"

Those were my words. My words. I lost my life…but I took his life. The irony of those words still haunts me. The void is…emptiness. My own struggle, my revenge now exacted, has done nothing for me. And I suspect that is why he didn't kill me. He knew it would bring him nothing. And my revenge has brought me nothing even though I spent my entire life awaiting it. Yes, the threat is over. But my reasons for removing it were different than the others. And I gained nothing back that I had lost. And there is a void deep inside of me that will not be filled. A cold expanse… of nothingness…

I should have stayed this time around. I should have stayed…and died…

…with her.

I have nothing more now than I did when I set my mind on my task. In fact, I have less than what I started with. My life is long gone and I cannot reclaim it. Even if I were to find her, it is much to late for me to try to relive the time that I lost, the time that I spent without her. And I have myself to blame for the rest of my horrors. My conscience is back with a vengeance and there is nothing I can do to take back what I have done. Feeding off of my own bitterness, my hate consumed me and I am surprised that I survived those years if I am indeed alive. Fed by the bitterness within me and the darkness surrounding me, I have lost what I was allowed to keep on that day. My health. My sanity. All because I let the darkness take me, and all for one purpose. That…is what they call a grotesque.

But I survived…

And now, now that it is all over, I am without a place to which to return. I have no desire to return to the Middle Ages as an enemy to the kingdom and a traitor to the enemy. If I went back to the Dark Ages to search for her, I would probably spend my entire life on a wasted cause once again. She could be anywhere, or in any time for that matter. I never saw what actually happened to her; dead or alive, I will probably never see her again. But _possibly_, I might. I can only choose one destination after all. And hoping in something, no matter how far away it seems, is better than having no hope at all.

So I will continue my search, no matter how hopeless it seems, because I have learned to hope. Now I have given myself a purpose. A life is empty without purpose. Good then. If I find nothing, I will at least keep myself busy until the day that death finally claims my wretched soul. I don't belong here; there is nothing left for me but to watch…and to wait. I should have stayed…I should have stayed and died.

Because now I feel that I am helplessly…and utterly…alone.


End file.
